Breathe Life

gratitude - thankfullness. that is what i am feeling, a warm wave of sincere appreciation for all of you awesome expressions of humanity. i wear it, like jen wears her [url=http://www.jenlemen.com/archi...]poncho[/url] , and, "when i wear it, i feel happy and free, and i know that the best parts of me will yet emerge and that my life's finest work is just begun". thank you all for your sweet words of love and support!
bear hugs and butterfly kisses

i think i need to start carrying a small recording device. throughout the day and evening, i have streams of consciousness that need to be written, blogged, shared. however, as i sit here with my cafe con leche, i'll be darned if i can think of any one of those profoundly interesting thoughts that amazed me only hours ago!

there. i had to start writing to jog my synapses into action - or maybe it's the java juice.

last night, we went to see [url=http://www.cirquedusoleil.com...]cirque du soleil [/url]. every act and stunt was done without a safety net except the last one. i have seen at least 8 different shows and always experience something amazing and magical.

we shared this experience with 1 female couple (who are currently trying to conceive their second child) and 2 male couples. at different times, i found myself alone with at least one person from each couple and talking about our family-enlarging adventure. all were ecstatic and overwhelmingly supportive.

while all of these people are good friends, i was introduced to them by my partner, who has known them and worked with them for many years. their response to my news only confirms for me the tremendous support system in place for us, and especially for my husband.

as wonderful as our adventure is, there is no denying the fear and uncertainty doing acrobats in our hearts :shock: . and, having a safety net of friends is a blessing which helps the show to go on.

each day, as the path opens before us, we remain open to everything. knowing that we have all that we need to make our dreams manifest. for this and so much more, we are thankful. this is my new daily prayer.

with each new discovery, old fears and anxieties are put to rest, while new ones arise out of nowhere. today i had a wonderful talk with a gay dad who, with his partner, experienced much of what my partner and I are experiencing. he calmed me down and reassured me that we are embarking on the most wonder-ful journey of our lives and that everything will work out as it should.

he invited us to join him to meet other gay dads and their children at a gathering in ft. lauderdale this saturday. unfortunately, we will have to reschedule due to a prior commitment. He also invited us to their house soon for more discussion on the adoption process and parenting. my gratitude and joy is palpable!

my partner is working on embracing the whole idea of the expansion of our family. he is approaching everything hesitantly, but positively :roll: . my love and appreciation for him grows deeper by the hour.

i have decided to tell a few friends about my blog. i feel so vulnerable. like the first day of college when the professor was handing out the syllabus and i immediately shoved my copy up to my face and took a deep breath. i guess i was having some sort of flashback to my elementary days when teachers used [url=http://www.karnes-city.isd.te...]mimeograph [/url] machines to make copies and the smell of fresh ink was intoxicating.

did anyone see me? yes! was i embarrassed? yes!

in order for this blog thing to be the slightest bit effective, i must honestly share my inner thoughts and feelings…ok ewww…scary…breathe.

ok, so i have officially launched a new blog. i have included my entries from my other blog so all is in one place. fortunately, outside of myself, there is 1 whole person, (which is a compliment on many levels, [url=http://www.jenlemen.com/]jen[/url] ) who may be witnessing my fumbles.

there are several hot topics on my plate these days, so i guess i will begin with the one that excites me the most; becoming a father.

if asked the question "with nothing stopping you - family, society, finances, biology, law...what would you do, what would you want, what would bring you joy? The answer immediately blerts out..."i want to be a father"!

more than acceptance, more than a paycheck, more than a particular status, I want to love, nurture, guide and support a child of my own. there could be no greater happiness or accomplishment. and in my case, there may be no greater challenge.

i suspect some of my/our family will not be overly supportive. society, for the most part, is against it. you see, i am gay, aka homosexual (minor technical terms that do not begin to describe me, yet seems to doom me to failure before I can even begin). try as we might, my partner and I are unable to conceive, pro-create, make babies. of course, there is adoption...did i mention we live in florida?

all of this is a small challenge compared to that of parenting. and in case you are wondering, i don't have the foggiest idea how to do that either. there is very little i gained from my parents that i wish to pass on...

still, my heart has never lied - I know this to be true.

so there you have it. i've said it, i've written it - it's out there! now what?...baby steps...

i have recently learned that i have much to learn about blogging. i am awaiting information from jen, fellow blogger, regarding proper etiquette. i have also learned that the free "blogging service" i am currently using does not allow for readers to "comment" on my posts. this, of course, is essential, if i am to gain addition insight on my journey. so, please stay tuned for possible blog site changes.

hello world. when i say world, i really mean me and the select few i invite to read my ramblings. i have been inspired by my friend, mother of my namesake and fellow blogger, jen, to write, to blog, to journey.

Alrighty Aphrodite!! Welcome to my Blog, or Blob, as the case may be. :lol: